Saturday, April 30, 2011

Entries April 21 - 30, 2011

I affirm that even though I am a doubting creature I am committed to myself and others and committed to encountering my artistic and creative work; that I will act to make my time on this planet meaningful to me, and decide what is the best use of my time here in this physical plane; that I will be open to the love I feel without renouncing my true need to rebel; that I will dream more, think harder, love more, and fear choosing less; that I will keep my eyes open and never end my education; and that when I come to the end of a sentence, or when the final brush stroke is laid down...I will stop.

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The more we look, the more we see; this is an eternal truth for every artist. The more we see, the more we understand. The more we understand, the more we can apply what we've looked at, what we've seen and what we've unearthed, incorporating it into our own work to make our art richer, deeper, more passionately ourselves.

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I must only do and not think about it, and something wonderful will manifest. The urge is great. I must just slide past the dragon of unworthiness ..slay him so I will create...not matter what!

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I was quite busy yesterday. Creatively, as I ask for assistance, which came in unexpected ways, I'm able to complete the gallery exhibit video, ahead of schedule. Here I am at a loss at the passage of time. This means creativity flows greatly, and I surprise myself with my thoughts of it. Indeed, I ask for assistance with creativity, and I receive it. Thank you.

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Projects abound, and I am ready for them all, as well as the players that touch my life experience. I realize my "ridged requirements" have indeed, in the past, possibly shifted my overall experience. Having the fortitude to know this and become cognizant of how I move through life is essential for change. Move forward, let go of the past and create a life "full" of what nurtures me. I also believe that aspects of life occur as they will, yet one can additionally drive those aspects. We are not only the leaf in the wind, not only a "floater" on the river of life. We must take some action and shape, mold and caress this life we are given. We have the tools - the tools we are all provided, it is how we use them that counts.

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Amazed am I over the number of positive responses from my promotional video which is out for the world to see. It is apparent that many view my black and white work very appealing, and my "better work." This is how I have always felt too, and will now concentrate efforts with this in mind. The simplicity of grey images comforts me, slows me down, and enables me to truly see.

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I have been most creative this week, yet in aspects which were not planned. Why must I feel the need to struggle, when great creativity is present in forms I can and do excel with. It is always good to stretch our talents, but we must also nurture that which is satisfying and enables great feelings of worth.

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Fatigued am I this morning, and a bit scattered due to a myriad of aspects. But, having my trusty coffee in hand, I'm beginning to "come around," but slow is the going...and there is much to do today. I find I'm not the only person today who seems to be with little energy.

As I move into what is before me, I'm grateful. I have asked for it all, and will not mention the aspects I continue to find "missing" from my life experience...as I know it drives them from me. I will be good whether with or without them. I can't go the place I have so often visited, this place of unworthiness and severe lack and woe, because I "don't have." All I require is now and comes from creative mind, values and desires.

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I do not feel bad about what I haven't done during this time. Creativity has occurred in means that have not been planned. I do not need to touch a brush to be creative. Creativity comes in many forms, and I can only do what I do.

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