Entries April 21 - 30, 2011

I affirm that even though I am a doubting creature I am committed to myself and others and committed to encountering my artistic and creative work; that I will act to make my time on this planet meaningful to me, and decide what is the best use of my time here in this physical plane; that I will be open to the love I feel without renouncing my true need to rebel; that I will dream more, think harder, love more, and fear choosing less; that I will keep my eyes open and never end my education; and that when I come to the end of a sentence, or when the final brush stroke is laid down...I will stop.

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The more we look, the more we see; this is an eternal truth for every artist. The more we see, the more we understand. The more we understand, the more we can apply what we've looked at, what we've seen and what we've unearthed, incorporating it into our own work to make our art richer, deeper, more passionately ourselves.

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I must only do and not think about it, and something wonderful will manifest. The urge is great. I must just slide past the dragon of unworthiness ..slay him so I will create...not matter what!

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I was quite busy yesterday. Creatively, as I ask for assistance, which came in unexpected ways, I'm able to complete the gallery exhibit video, ahead of schedule. Here I am at a loss at the passage of time. This means creativity flows greatly, and I surprise myself with my thoughts of it. Indeed, I ask for assistance with creativity, and I receive it. Thank you.

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Projects abound, and I am ready for them all, as well as the players that touch my life experience. I realize my "ridged requirements" have indeed, in the past, possibly shifted my overall experience. Having the fortitude to know this and become cognizant of how I move through life is essential for change. Move forward, let go of the past and create a life "full" of what nurtures me. I also believe that aspects of life occur as they will, yet one can additionally drive those aspects. We are not only the leaf in the wind, not only a "floater" on the river of life. We must take some action and shape, mold and caress this life we are given. We have the tools - the tools we are all provided, it is how we use them that counts.

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Amazed am I over the number of positive responses from my promotional video which is out for the world to see. It is apparent that many view my black and white work very appealing, and my "better work." This is how I have always felt too, and will now concentrate efforts with this in mind. The simplicity of grey images comforts me, slows me down, and enables me to truly see.

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I have been most creative this week, yet in aspects which were not planned. Why must I feel the need to struggle, when great creativity is present in forms I can and do excel with. It is always good to stretch our talents, but we must also nurture that which is satisfying and enables great feelings of worth.

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Fatigued am I this morning, and a bit scattered due to a myriad of aspects. But, having my trusty coffee in hand, I'm beginning to "come around," but slow is the going...and there is much to do today. I find I'm not the only person today who seems to be with little energy.

As I move into what is before me, I'm grateful. I have asked for it all, and will not mention the aspects I continue to find "missing" from my life experience...as I know it drives them from me. I will be good whether with or without them. I can't go the place I have so often visited, this place of unworthiness and severe lack and woe, because I "don't have." All I require is now and comes from creative mind, values and desires.

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I do not feel bad about what I haven't done during this time. Creativity has occurred in means that have not been planned. I do not need to touch a brush to be creative. Creativity comes in many forms, and I can only do what I do.

Entries April 15-20, 2011

April 20, 2011

   Great photography club meeting last evening, and for the first time in a long while I enter an assignment (photo impressionism). It felt good, and I know our critiquer said wonderful things of my work both upon its merits, plus due to the fact that I've been lax in my entries. Lesson learned. Get busy.

   I must only do and not think about it, and something wonderful will manifest. The urge is great. I must just get past the "dragon of unworthiness". Slay him I will...I will create no matter what!

April 18, 2011

   I've taken in my work for the photography show at the Tis' gallery. In doing so, I'm able to converse with a woman who is very influential within the local art community. This is good, as it is indeed helping my situation. I did feel a bit of unworthiness before walking in the gallery space, but am glad she is there, as I already knew her a bit. This is yet another step for me and my work, and I'm thankful that I have many friends and acquaintances in the exhibit. It eases things a bit.

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   Beginnings of intense creativity are now becoming active within my being. I must act upon them. My studio is now de-cluttered and in working order. Funny, it looked so daunting, but took little time to put things in order.

April 17, 2011

   Today is intake day at the Tis' gallery for their photography exhibit. I'm happy to be in this show, as I've wanted to be there since their opening in 2007.

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  I find the "marketing" of my work, plus the role(s) I am involving myself with seems to be taking center state in my life. Aspects of creativity are loosing ground, as energies are directed to the managing of and organization of elements to make these organizations run well. This I must alter to ensure I continue to find and execute the initiatives to create my art in whatever category that is. Be it photography, digital work, paint, pen & ink, or entirely new avenues. It is time, once again, to devote at least "1-hour a day" within the boundaries of of my studio. Whether is is clean-up or organization, (as I did yesterday), creativity in any medium, or just anticipation of what is to come...I must spend time there. If I don't, nothing will manifest, and I may indeed loose the 'ground" I have already gained.

April 16, 2011

   I find my blue Lamy pen. It is the little things that instill our lives with courage and aspects of happiness. I do believe it all transpires into what one makes of it, and we can of course take that into whatever realms of the positive or negative we wish to express.


April 15, 2011

   I seem to have temporarily misplaced my blue Lamy fountain pen. Not in pockets, not in "luggage", hoping it is home or at the office, or studio. So, I'm using a .03 Prismacolor fine line marker. A true art instrument! It feels quite strange in my hand, but as I continue to write, comfort levels begin to come to fruition and flow occurs...not only flow of ink, but flow of words.

   This morning before leaving, I look at my studio space and begin to feel a bit remorseful at the condition I have let it become. I have done little within its confines for now many months. As I have written recently, I've become rather lax in many aspects of creativity due to many silly thoughts and processes.

Not Alone in My Quest

      I ask the girl from behind the coffee bar if she has taken any more photos. She is young and going to college, and has bought an old film camera from one of the local antique stores and is shooting black and white images. I've asked her in the past to bring them into work, as I'd like to see her work. I'm always intrigued and inspired by the work of others. She tells me she has many ideas of what she wants to photograph, but cannot find the time or inspiration to do so. I tell her I know exactly what she is talking about, and I know that feeling all to well. 

      Having said this, I found myself only yesterday clearing off all the images on my SD camera cards, some of which dated back to 2009. It seems a preparatory process, this cleaning off, for some new exciting energetic levels of creativity is soon to occur. Maybe whatever blockage(s) are finally passing.

Creative Expression

Matters of creativity continue to be far from my experience, yet I wish to. Tough it is to be creative when one is uncertain of things. Uncertain of what it is I want to say, uncertain of technique, uncertain about how I will feel with any potential success or failure. I must cast it all aside. Like sheding the blanket when it it too hot during nights slumber, I find comfort in the coolness of creative endeavors. [April 12, 2011]

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I have been so very lax in any thoughts of creavitity for many months now. Yet, I do find "gems" emerging at certain instances. It is most frustrating at times...the longing to manifest creative expression, halted from form, and only in my mind. There, they reside...all the images, aspects and successful execution. Translation from mind to hand rarely occurs for countless, sometimes silly rationale. Yet I trudge on and do do what I can, and find studio time becoming less and less of late. My studio is a mess, and to start I need to reacquaint myself with it, bring to it some form of new energy, thus creating purpose for me to "prime the pump" and let the flow and expression rage into the physical realm. [April 13, 2011]

Frozen Sunday

      Today I'm cold. The last few days have been winter, with snow and low temperatures. Additionally we had an overnight freeze, and what spring growth, which was abounding, may indeed be now gone. This happens here. I'm glad I hadn't started any form of seasonal garden yet, as it could in all likelihood be now done.

      I'm off today to the local indoor artisan market to booth sit. Myself and a few others from the non-profit arts association have been granted a free space for the month of April. Today is my first shift of sitting. I'm looking forward to it, but am in anticipation of it, only because of the newness and unfamiliarity of it all. But that's okay, the experience of it all will be interesting and I'm bringing some work that I can busy myself with, if time and opportunity play out that way.

      I left my calendar in another bag. It is in the Jeep, but being Sunday, I really don't need it. But it feels a bit strange without it here open with all my life and tasks before me. Maybe this morning I'm relaxing a bit more because of it. Maybe I could relax a bit more in my life.

New Journal

     I journal everyday. Usually with coffee at the local coffee house, early in the morning. I'm there most days, around 6:00am. Rarely do I need to tell the barista's what I want...they already know...unless there is a new person working the bar. Generally I write with a Lamy fountain pen. I like the fountain pen, although it is a bit of work. It feels more like I'm doing art, and many of my journal pages are covered with little drawings, sketches and doodles. So in essence, I am creating art.

     I write what comes to mind. What is going on in my life [good, bad or indifferent] and generally write about being appreciative of what I have. Sometimes some negative aspects creep in, but that is okay. I do have much to be in appreciation of, and thank Spirit for it all on a daily basis.

     I have a friend who blogs a lot on her personal aspects of life. This had me thinking I can do the same. If people read it, that is wonderful...if not, that is okay as well. I have the same outlook about my art and photography.

     So here, this day, I start this journal of thoughts, dreams, aspirations, tears, and laughs. May it sooth my soul as well as my black Piccadilly journal does each morning...at the coffee house.