Entries May 22 - 31, 2011

May 22
   "Getting them out is not necessarily the plan for you. Know that some will indeed manifest, but also know may are there for your personal growth. So many will stay within the boundaries of your mind, soul, and situation. Your “qualities” increase here and avail to you the augmentation of self. As they form, and form they will, many are placed in specific areas for your continual education of you. This also assists in the transformation of your essence into communication with others. So you see none of the “pictures” are lost - only visualizations forming within to “form” you".
May 23
   "Moving on with the “Craft”, as you so succinctly call it commencing to take physical form your intent longs for. Don’t be dismayed, but learn to prolong the effects of this and comply with the doing. Leave not an instance of unavailability to perform as is required. All is indeed here for you to develop, create and execute - thereby relieving the pressure within to manifest your physical dreams, desires and creative forms.

   Typically artistic expression is the stimulation of the eye, and can and will, due to it’s visual nature, create complex nuisances’ within your mind-body experience. Much of what you do is provided for your and your growth. Yet also know, as you do, the grandness of what you create transcends others in similar manners. As the creator, you apply  through the visual stimulation, increased levels of growth by the doing. You are all artistic by nature. Explore this, caress this, allow the flow of it to transcend your life experience".
May 24
   "Your work enables so much of you to shine forth. As you continue on with your activities remember this. The “fears” your believe to possess are false. This is your own mind playing for the fool. You have seen yourself doing great work…remember how this feels. Initiate that feeling in new projects, allowing the ever-present stature of your creativity to shine. Already knowing what to do, the steps to take, the physical to mental aspect of the doing, enables the blues to be bluer, the reds to be redder and the overall-ness of things to be quite complete.

   Situations arise as you move along to stifle and damper your efforts. Realize, as you do, this is the association of process. Re-assess your concepts, initialize your overall passion toward your work. Your development is astronomically prudent at this time, cannot be otherwise, and indeed caresses your soul and being. What you create is evidence of this…allow it to occur".

May 25
   "The “going” with your craft is a natural, human need to know. It does not concern as much as you believe it to be. Yes, of course, you can lament over it all, as you have, yet it is not entirely necessary. Guidance will appear. You will know what to accomplish on the physical aspects as well as the urethral aspects of non-physical plans as situational occurrences manifest".
May 26
   "Creativity is an existential portions of your capabilities and abilities. Many times you falter due to the inabilities you perceive as being capable. Know that allowing your innate creativity to flow allows for the flow of creativity. Keeping perspective on the elements you require for the inspiration is essential to the physical. Knowing what to create is already there…bring it forward with the ability of seeing through your mind and eyes. You shut down when it comes to knowing what it is you wish to create. You know you desire to create, but as you start, the feeling of “draining” falls over your crown, past you eyes and in your lap. Imagine a tray positioned under you chin to catch this “energy.” Move it, once caught, right back up and through your mind. Allowing the “drop” leaves you off-guard with your original intent and you become frustrated and stop the project. 

   As this frustration appears and grows, you revert to a child’s viewpoint of being unable to concentrate mind-hand coordination - it builds upon itself , and begins a sense of unworthiness that flows in, leaving you dangling  and unappreciative of anything. From countless occurrences, this is and becomes locked into your being. Then you draw upon the experience time and time again - knowing before you begin you will fail. Having the fortitude, cognizant ability, and sense to change is the first step to alleviate the effects of this learned pattern of discourse. Learned patterns are reversible, and you can not only reverse this, but by the reversal become more powerful because of it. All this to happen brings a greater sense of accomplishment, goal driven work, with little concern of technique, ability and drive".

May 27
   "Specifics of your craft become you and you begin to translate that what you are as part of it. Don’t become trapped by specifics - rather branch out and embrace aspects which present themselves. Whether it be a physical aspect, mental or some which have no form but appear more transcendent or even urethral. You know what this is on a deep ingrained level - bring this to your experience allows greater creativity in ALL areas of your life".
May 28

   "Your situation increases. Your opportunity increases. Increase increases in so many realms of your life experience. Happy is the moment you realize this - and realize you do. Opening up as you are increases your abilities  to fulfill your creative desires…as well as all your other desires. Know that it is all coming together, and do not be dismayed. Your creative nature is indeed quite acute. Indeed utilize this to the fullest potential by honing in upon great “seeing” and therefore contemplation and action related activities. It can and will allow superb flow of energy, propelling all you do towards increased possibility. Savor this, this day and all days - know it is available for your cementing ideas and projects at all times. You are about to twist the valve, releasing great flow of creativity, allowing your life experience to flood into reality"!
May 29
   "Your creativity lingers on after you pass. Taking this notion enables one to move through the physical as well as the non-physical in terms of the visual sensations you so enjoy with simulations of art. In essence, you create by not creating a physical “thing.” When it is time for the physical to pass, it is merely your own concept, in physical form of your intense mind idea. Both the mental and physical serve identically. However the physical brings to/from the urethral to fruition for your physical eyes to perceive. Whether you keep it internalized or grant it physical form…the purpose is the same. For what is it you do with the physical object? Look at it, hold it, perceive it to be a symbol. Yet once it thoroughly “looked at”, it is a memory to be held in your psyche. Yes it may be on a wall or on a table, but you begin to not see it as you once did.
   This is not to say you should not comprehend the doing as false. Indeed it is not and does serve will. But know, as you do, all art and beauty are given as visual stimulation, to augment your existence by supplying thought and therefore realms of inner growth. Your manifestations allow growth in yourself and others. Others see the physical form of your thoughts - they simulate and allow others to know you  and themselves".
May 31
   "Your need to feel like and “artist” stems from your desire to be so. This is a wondrous thing and certainly propels you to greatness in ALL aspects of your life for experience. Allowing this to occur for you, (a number of years ago), has and will continue to open many portals for you. Continuation is crucial, as you know. Leaving it all to “fate” is not necessarily the way. Your drive has augmented and intensified matters with great energy. This you know and now experience. Don’t let this fall away. It is what you were/are meant to do/be. As you assist others with their path, yours smooths out, devoid of the large boulders blocking your way, and increases in length and beauty.

   As you believe your space (studio) is unwelcoming, it becomes so. At this time it is available for work, yet as you know - you are applying to and contemplating what you are intended to so now. As you grow and increase your abilities, qualitative, and intent, the space will be ready for your “filling” it to its fullest potential. Remember this and as you become inspired, inspiration will transcend into wonderful manifestations".

Entries May 9 - 21, 2011

05.09.11

  "Art is specific to your needs, not only for the doing but for the doing for others. Let it be known that your creativity expands as you do with your existence. It will always be a part of you and will be enjoyed by countless others. There is little need to expel doubts of your creativity, technique or ideology. It is perfect the way it is, you do what you do well, and are unique a being as an artist. Bathe in it, let it cover, comfort and soothe you - it brings so much to the world you live in."

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05/10/11

  This morning, I come to realize my annual trip to Montana is nearly a month away. This will be, as always, a great trip and I look forward to it all. I cannot wait to be inspired by the locale, as it always gives me a more creative outlook about things.

  Still wanting to find my "niche", I plan to concentrate efforts within a increased manner on the detail of things, rather than the landscape of things. I can see many detail-oriented scenes in my "visual plan" and will mostly concentrate on  aspects of black and white images. This I have come to believe is and can become what I have amiss with my craft. I wish to develop some sort of series. 

  Just now I recall when I first became somewhat serious about photography a number of years ago, many of those early images are indeed of a detail orientation. I need to get back to this.

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05.11.11

  "I want you to know how special you are to us and many other people in your life. What you bring to your existence, thereby effecting others, is not to be dismissed. Your qualities are indeed worthy...others see this in you, you rarely do. Yet you begin to of late and find your voice in many avenues of thoughts and speech. This is pleasurable to all.

  As you move forward with your creativity, this too is the conversation spoken of. Begin to acknowledge the message each of your creations portray, both to you and others. Know it will come easily and do not second guess the doing. It is all as it should be. 

  The recent formulations of your inner dialog of creativity is most alluring, grand and of exceptional worth. Begin to see it and bathe in its many forms and manifestations. It will also be exceptional for you and your growth, and allow more to develop in and through you."

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05.12.11

  I'm just sitting here, attempting to write something, yet my thoughts wander, and I zone-out a bit on all that is on-going in my life. Need to actually ingest the coffee nearby...there, that's better. But I don't know if I have much to say today.

  "Inspiration is always for you, and this you know. It is a great energy for you and it can be most draining on a mental capacity - yet you also love it's power. Ask for assistance, and as always it will arrive. Don't let it slip by because of the notion of unavailability.

   Lasting impressions of your desires are available at a moments notice. As you ask for help...help is on its way to and through you. Don't be dismayed at the time frame. It's always like this, and this you know from past experiences. Take pleasure in the fact that it is all shaping up for you. Your job is to let it occur, not plaguing yourself with the task at hand. Over-doing your thoughts surrounding ANY issue or aspect which arrives into your existence is what defeats some of the creditability and experience. Second guessing always leaves you with less of the intended outcome. You are never "steered" wrongly. All that is occurring is for your greatest good. Allow it all to transcend you from what you are today to what it is you will become."

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05.13.11

  What happens to us to make us want to excel and succeed in aspects of our lives. So much is indeed taken for granted as we mull around with our lives. So much to be thankful for...yet many do not see it. I am thankful for all the aspects of my life; being able to read, write, make art and to speak with clarity to all I encounter. Thankful for the associations of life and the abilities and qualities I have. Thank you.

  "Best and now intense situations are forthcoming and gain in strength and allowance. Moving with it creates avenues to follow past the realms of darkness that becomes light with the doing. Leaving it to fate is no longer your resolve. Action is in order to placate towards the desires you so heartfelt-ly busy your mind with. You see yourself with less and less lack as "your" time expands. Nurture this as part of your life, never letting it fly away."

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05.14.11

  "What matters most is how you believe in yourself; what you believe about yourself, and what yourself can and will become. No longer are you that insecure being you once, (and at times still favor), were. More than is perceived by your being is at work...you see glimpses of this. Tenacity drives you. You find to succeed you must work harder, be better - the best you believe you can. But know, as you do at times, the "ease" of it all is also there and is given to you. How you use it is up to your freewill."

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05.21.11

   "Your art is your own. It is not necessary to be like others with it. If you "copy" anothers work, well it is not yours, is it. Know, as you do, you have the necessities of being to make great work...as you already do. You "get-going" as you do - don't let the "not-doing", (as you perceive it), to be the catalyst for the not doing. It will ALL be done as it is necessary to be so. Know this. Embrace this and do what you do as you do it."

Journal Entries May 1 - 7, 2011

"Your art is special...it drives people towards realms and thought processes left dormant if not for the viewing. Do continue it, as it is not merely for you. You indeed reach out to others through it, and will find much love and attraction because of it. This you already experience...and it will continue and multiply. Give no credence to worthiness factors which plague you. It is not for your to comply...just be who you are and all the details of your deepest desires will come to pass".

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"Your past "mistakes" are definitely lessons you should learn from, but don't let them paralyze you. You can't let yourself be intimidated by what might happen...you just have to trust yourself that you can do it. Now is not the time for mulling things through, reviewing all the options, or debating pros and cons."

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  I have been inspired of late with creativity, but have had little time to act upon this. Whether form busying myself with other "duties", or doing it as a diversion to the "making", things and images still abound in my head. Maybe a little, but I find the immersion in all this most appealing, and I know my confidence levels increase with each segment. Art comes in many forms, and although painting is a mystery to me...I can and do excel in other forms and mediums.

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  Creativity is certainly not lacking. It is, though, morphing into additional avenues. No longer, do I seem, to be perplexed with the notion I need to be traditional in my approach or outcome. Continue I will with the experimentation of mediums which do not come easy, only to build some sort of familiarization with them. No longer do I care about the particular outcome, nor the end product. I now know what I do well, and can relax a bit.

  My mind is still most engaged with the aspects of this skull project. I indeed see it in my mind, and desire to beginning the project, but find my time now full of other responsibilities, which I find not truly to be an excuse for the not doing. My process has me shooting in the studio with specific backdrop, yet possibly this may be holding me back. I don't know if the effect I wish to capture is viable for my equipment, especially the lighting. But all I can do is try. If the desired effect is unattainable in the studio, then perhaps and outdoor quality of lighting is in order. The issue is to begin, see how things progress, move on (if necessary) and allow the creativity to modify, mold, gel and manifest.

Entries April 21 - 30, 2011

I affirm that even though I am a doubting creature I am committed to myself and others and committed to encountering my artistic and creative work; that I will act to make my time on this planet meaningful to me, and decide what is the best use of my time here in this physical plane; that I will be open to the love I feel without renouncing my true need to rebel; that I will dream more, think harder, love more, and fear choosing less; that I will keep my eyes open and never end my education; and that when I come to the end of a sentence, or when the final brush stroke is laid down...I will stop.

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The more we look, the more we see; this is an eternal truth for every artist. The more we see, the more we understand. The more we understand, the more we can apply what we've looked at, what we've seen and what we've unearthed, incorporating it into our own work to make our art richer, deeper, more passionately ourselves.

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I must only do and not think about it, and something wonderful will manifest. The urge is great. I must just slide past the dragon of unworthiness ..slay him so I will create...not matter what!

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I was quite busy yesterday. Creatively, as I ask for assistance, which came in unexpected ways, I'm able to complete the gallery exhibit video, ahead of schedule. Here I am at a loss at the passage of time. This means creativity flows greatly, and I surprise myself with my thoughts of it. Indeed, I ask for assistance with creativity, and I receive it. Thank you.

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Projects abound, and I am ready for them all, as well as the players that touch my life experience. I realize my "ridged requirements" have indeed, in the past, possibly shifted my overall experience. Having the fortitude to know this and become cognizant of how I move through life is essential for change. Move forward, let go of the past and create a life "full" of what nurtures me. I also believe that aspects of life occur as they will, yet one can additionally drive those aspects. We are not only the leaf in the wind, not only a "floater" on the river of life. We must take some action and shape, mold and caress this life we are given. We have the tools - the tools we are all provided, it is how we use them that counts.

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Amazed am I over the number of positive responses from my promotional video which is out for the world to see. It is apparent that many view my black and white work very appealing, and my "better work." This is how I have always felt too, and will now concentrate efforts with this in mind. The simplicity of grey images comforts me, slows me down, and enables me to truly see.

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I have been most creative this week, yet in aspects which were not planned. Why must I feel the need to struggle, when great creativity is present in forms I can and do excel with. It is always good to stretch our talents, but we must also nurture that which is satisfying and enables great feelings of worth.

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Fatigued am I this morning, and a bit scattered due to a myriad of aspects. But, having my trusty coffee in hand, I'm beginning to "come around," but slow is the going...and there is much to do today. I find I'm not the only person today who seems to be with little energy.

As I move into what is before me, I'm grateful. I have asked for it all, and will not mention the aspects I continue to find "missing" from my life experience...as I know it drives them from me. I will be good whether with or without them. I can't go the place I have so often visited, this place of unworthiness and severe lack and woe, because I "don't have." All I require is now and comes from creative mind, values and desires.

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I do not feel bad about what I haven't done during this time. Creativity has occurred in means that have not been planned. I do not need to touch a brush to be creative. Creativity comes in many forms, and I can only do what I do.

Entries April 15-20, 2011

April 20, 2011

   Great photography club meeting last evening, and for the first time in a long while I enter an assignment (photo impressionism). It felt good, and I know our critiquer said wonderful things of my work both upon its merits, plus due to the fact that I've been lax in my entries. Lesson learned. Get busy.

   I must only do and not think about it, and something wonderful will manifest. The urge is great. I must just get past the "dragon of unworthiness". Slay him I will...I will create no matter what!

April 18, 2011

   I've taken in my work for the photography show at the Tis' gallery. In doing so, I'm able to converse with a woman who is very influential within the local art community. This is good, as it is indeed helping my situation. I did feel a bit of unworthiness before walking in the gallery space, but am glad she is there, as I already knew her a bit. This is yet another step for me and my work, and I'm thankful that I have many friends and acquaintances in the exhibit. It eases things a bit.

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   Beginnings of intense creativity are now becoming active within my being. I must act upon them. My studio is now de-cluttered and in working order. Funny, it looked so daunting, but took little time to put things in order.

April 17, 2011

   Today is intake day at the Tis' gallery for their photography exhibit. I'm happy to be in this show, as I've wanted to be there since their opening in 2007.

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  I find the "marketing" of my work, plus the role(s) I am involving myself with seems to be taking center state in my life. Aspects of creativity are loosing ground, as energies are directed to the managing of and organization of elements to make these organizations run well. This I must alter to ensure I continue to find and execute the initiatives to create my art in whatever category that is. Be it photography, digital work, paint, pen & ink, or entirely new avenues. It is time, once again, to devote at least "1-hour a day" within the boundaries of of my studio. Whether is is clean-up or organization, (as I did yesterday), creativity in any medium, or just anticipation of what is to come...I must spend time there. If I don't, nothing will manifest, and I may indeed loose the 'ground" I have already gained.

April 16, 2011

   I find my blue Lamy pen. It is the little things that instill our lives with courage and aspects of happiness. I do believe it all transpires into what one makes of it, and we can of course take that into whatever realms of the positive or negative we wish to express.


April 15, 2011

   I seem to have temporarily misplaced my blue Lamy fountain pen. Not in pockets, not in "luggage", hoping it is home or at the office, or studio. So, I'm using a .03 Prismacolor fine line marker. A true art instrument! It feels quite strange in my hand, but as I continue to write, comfort levels begin to come to fruition and flow occurs...not only flow of ink, but flow of words.

   This morning before leaving, I look at my studio space and begin to feel a bit remorseful at the condition I have let it become. I have done little within its confines for now many months. As I have written recently, I've become rather lax in many aspects of creativity due to many silly thoughts and processes.

Not Alone in My Quest

      I ask the girl from behind the coffee bar if she has taken any more photos. She is young and going to college, and has bought an old film camera from one of the local antique stores and is shooting black and white images. I've asked her in the past to bring them into work, as I'd like to see her work. I'm always intrigued and inspired by the work of others. She tells me she has many ideas of what she wants to photograph, but cannot find the time or inspiration to do so. I tell her I know exactly what she is talking about, and I know that feeling all to well. 

      Having said this, I found myself only yesterday clearing off all the images on my SD camera cards, some of which dated back to 2009. It seems a preparatory process, this cleaning off, for some new exciting energetic levels of creativity is soon to occur. Maybe whatever blockage(s) are finally passing.

Creative Expression

Matters of creativity continue to be far from my experience, yet I wish to. Tough it is to be creative when one is uncertain of things. Uncertain of what it is I want to say, uncertain of technique, uncertain about how I will feel with any potential success or failure. I must cast it all aside. Like sheding the blanket when it it too hot during nights slumber, I find comfort in the coolness of creative endeavors. [April 12, 2011]

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I have been so very lax in any thoughts of creavitity for many months now. Yet, I do find "gems" emerging at certain instances. It is most frustrating at times...the longing to manifest creative expression, halted from form, and only in my mind. There, they reside...all the images, aspects and successful execution. Translation from mind to hand rarely occurs for countless, sometimes silly rationale. Yet I trudge on and do do what I can, and find studio time becoming less and less of late. My studio is a mess, and to start I need to reacquaint myself with it, bring to it some form of new energy, thus creating purpose for me to "prime the pump" and let the flow and expression rage into the physical realm. [April 13, 2011]